10 Funniest Lines in the Harry Potter Books, According to Reddit

10 Funniest Lines in the Harry Potter Books, According to Reddit
Image credit: globallookpress

An underappreciated element of the Harry Potter novels is the wittiness of its characters.

J.K Rowling may not be perfect, but she certainly has a knack for producing perfectly timed punchlines and priceless one-liners.

Today we're diving into the 10 funniest lines in the series, according to the opinions of Reddit (heads up, a great amount of them come from Potterheads' favorite twins).

A Wooden House

The first line, from the first book, is when it is discovered Hagrid lives with a fire-breathing dragon… in a wooden hut.

Upon discovering the fact that the building materials of Hagrid's house may not pair so well with a pet dragon, Hermione with the ever most sass remarks "Hagrid! You live in a wooden house!".

Redditors had a good laugh from this line as Hermione's revelation sheds light on the good-hearted giant's survival 'instincts'. We love Hagrid too, but we definitely wouldn't want to be stuck in the woods with him.

The Weasley Twins

Though not a direct quote, this moment and its subsequent delivery, is ranked as one of the funniest in all the novels.

"The Weasley twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so that they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban" left users roaring as we know who was hiding under all that cloth.

Mischievous by nature, the extent (though unknowingly) of the boy's act elevates their humor to a new level. A fan comment joked that the Weasleys must have been Voldemort's most despised family after that one. We couldn't agree more!

Can I Look at Uranus

In one of Professor Trelawney's lessons, the students were tasked with finding the positions of the planets at the moment of their births. Lavender Brown excitedly remarks as she finds a planet.

Trelawney identifies it as Uranus, to which Ron replies "Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?".

The slightly PG-rated joke has some Redditors questioning if it should have been included. Most users in the thread found the joke rib-tickling and see no issue whatsoever.

A Saber-toothed Tiger

Another line selected from the Weasley's arsenal of comedy is in the passage "Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard…. Remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.

'Ah,' said Fred. 'Oh dear,' said George.". These comments are upvoted to the top of the page as Redditors appear to have a consensus.

Many attribute it to the way Stephen Fry delivers the "Oh dear" in his rendition of the audiobook. Others boil it down to the sarcastic nature of the twins that never fails to put a smile on our faces.


"Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!" read an advertisement for a product of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, in which the unknowing taker suffers from severe constipation.

One Redditor views the play-on-words as genius, despite the joke's childish overtone. In a series that deals with such serious themes, a handful of users expressed their gratitude for moments like this that provide a hint of comic relief.

It Changes Everyday

When Harry is caught outside the Dursley's window, he says he was simply listening to the news. His aunt and uncle were flabbergasted at the notion.

To combat their passive-aggression, Harry simply replies "Well, it changes every day, you see".

There have been countless threads that have awarded Harry the title of "best one-liner" for casually sticking it to the Dursleys with this one. We couldn't agree more — well played, Mr. Potter. Well Played.

Snape with Shampoo

Delivered as the punchline to a joke addressing claims Voldemort was out of the country, "he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo" is a 'career-ending' burn for the tenured professor, remarked a Redditor.

Having garnered a reputation for his gangly hairdo, the parallel to Voldemort's agility is a creative as well as amusing approach.

A Healthy Breeze.

When confronted with the reason why he didn't wear trousers, Archibald retorted that "[he] likes a healthy breeze round [his] privates", gesturing toward his flowy nightgown. In a quick attempt to avoid the shame of publicly declaring the real reason, he delivered the line that had users laughing for hours as young children.

McGonagall's Exchange

The exchange between Professor McGonagall where she questions him on his interaction with Professor Umbridge is short but sweet, says a user.

After the back and forth between the two, McGonagall nonchalantly utters "Have a biscuit, Potter".

Potterheads expressed this interaction as a shining example of the sarcastic wit McGonagall was given. The "no care given" attitude is one that fans hate, but sometimes love as well.

Ron's Shining Moment

In a hilarious line delivered from a Weasley other than the twins, Ron's response to a question from Harry had users in one Reddit thread in stitches.

When asked why death has an invisibility cloak, Ron quips "So he can sneak up on people... Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking...".

Being young and impressionable, fans say that the young Weasley's attitude towards death was refreshing for them to hear, and made the concept seem less daunting. To that we say a good job, Ron!