15 Post-Apocalyptic Movies Where Everyone Should've Died in the First 10 Minutes
Don’t believe what these movies want you to believe; surviving in apocalypse is way harder than this.
1. "Mad Max: Fury Road" (2015)
Let's start with an easy one: "Mad Max: Fury Road." Yes, it's brilliant. Yes, it's visually stunning. But let's be real for a minute – the survival rate in that movie defies all logic. Water is scarce, food seems non-existent, and everyone is perpetually driving around in gas-guzzling war machines. With all the crossfire, radiation, and blood-thirsty marauders, our heroes should've been toast faster than you can say "What a lovely day!" But hey, it's a movie, and apparently, survival in the apocalypse is easy peasy if you're as rad as Max Rockatansky or Furiosa.
2. "The Road" (2009)
"The Road" is a depressing slog of human suffering, yet somehow our main characters keep chugging along. Forget the first 10 minutes, realistically, they should've been done for in the first 5. There's nothing to eat, nothing to drink, and cannibals lurking at every corner. Yet our determined duo keep trucking on, defying the very laws of biology. How are they not a pair of human jerky by now? Perhaps the power of father-son love can overcome the need for basic nutrients.
3. "I Am Legend" (2007)
"I Am Legend" has Will Smith as the last man in New York City, who miraculously survives a vampire-zombie apocalypse. These things are fast, strong, and absolutely terrifying. Realistically, it would be impossible for a lone human being to survive in this environment for more than a few days, let alone several years. But Smith's character survives through the sheer power of being...Will Smith, I guess.
4. "Waterworld" (1995)
Set in a world where the polar ice caps have melted and land is a myth, "Waterworld" somehow has a thriving human population. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that surviving on a vast, open ocean with limited resources is a bit of a stretch. Never mind the fact that our main character, played by Kevin Costner, is a mutant who can breathe underwater. I mean, seriously, how did this guy not get a severe case of hypothermia and drown in the first 10 minutes?
5. "The Book of Eli" (2010)
"The Book of Eli" takes us to a world where apparently, everyone forgot to wear their sunglasses during the apocalypse. The sky is perpetually grey, the sun is blinding, and Denzel Washington's Eli is the only one smart enough to wear eyewear. Yet, somehow, all these squinty-eyed raiders have managed to survive years in this barren wasteland. They're more resilient than a cockroach at a nuclear test site.
6. "Dawn of the Dead" (2004)
We're stepping into full-mode zombie territory with this one. "Dawn of the Dead" features a group of survivors who take refuge in a shopping mall amidst a zombie apocalypse. Sounds reasonable, right? Except these are sprinting, climbing, Super Mario level-jumping zombies. Despite their enhanced athleticism, the motley crew of survivors somehow outmaneuvers them time and again. I mean, honestly, the average human can't outrun an Olympic sprinter, let alone a ravenous, adrenaline-fueled zombie.
7. "The Happening" (2008)
In "The Happening," plants decide they've had enough and release a toxin that makes people commit suicide. Now, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but there are plants everywhere. Seriously, everywhere. Yet, our main characters manage to avoid these fatal flora for an absurdly long time. Realistically, they should have started doing the macabre tango with the daisies within minutes of the film's start.
8. "Snowpiercer" (2013)
"Snowpiercer" presents a world where a failed climate experiment has plunged the Earth into an ice age, and the remnants of humanity survive on a perpetually moving train. Yes, you read that right, a train. Now, maybe I'm being picky, but how does this train keep running without maintenance, track repairs, or fuel? This high-speed sardine can should have derailed and left its occupants popsicles in no time flat.
9. "28 Days Later" (2002)
In "28 Days Later," our main man Jim wakes up from a coma to find that a virus has turned the population into rage-filled monsters. Now, hospitals are usually ground zero for any outbreak, so the fact that Jim manages to wake up, get dressed, and wander around the deserted London streets without becoming infected is nothing short of a miracle. I mean, if sneezing on a subway can spread a cold, how did this guy avoid a deadly virus in a hospital?
10. "Bird Box" (2018)
"Bird Box" is a film where looking at an unseen entity drives people to suicide. Yet, our hero Malorie, played by Sandra Bullock, manages to navigate rapids and forests while blindfolded. Not to mention surviving a two-day river journey with two children in tow. Frankly, they should've tripped over a root or drifted off course within the first 10 minutes. It seems Malorie must have attended the Stevie Wonder School of Navigating the Apocalypse.
11. "Resident Evil" series (2002-2016)
I couldn't pick just one from this franchise, mainly because every single installment seems to operate on its own set of physics and biological principles. Alice, our impossibly agile and resourceful heroine, is like the Energizer Bunny of the apocalypse – she keeps going and going. Zombie dogs, mutant monstrosities, an evil corporation, and even clones can't stop her. In a real-world scenario, she would've become a zombie snack before the first Matrix-inspired somersault.
12. "A Quiet Place" (2018)
Shhhh! We're stepping into the silent world of "A Quiet Place," where blind aliens with super-sensitive hearing have wiped out most of the population. Yet, our family of survivors manage to avoid these creatures, despite living on a noisy, creaky farm. The plot thickens when we discover the wife, played by Emily Blunt, is pregnant. Childbirth and newborns aren't exactly known for being quiet. How they manage to give birth and raise a baby in this world of enforced silence is more mysterious than how these aliens traveled light-years without sight.
13. "Zombieland" (2009)
In the hilarious world of "Zombieland," we're introduced to four survivors of a zombie apocalypse, each with their quirky habits and rules for survival. But let's be real, in an actual zombie-infested world, these guys wouldn't last a week. Their best defense against the undead is their humor, which unfortunately doesn't translate into actual physical prowess or strategic brilliance. Plus, there's that scene where they spend the night in a grocery store with all the lights on. Realistically, they should've been Zombie Happy Meals despite all the hours Jesse Eisenberg's character invested in being prepared.
14. "The Day After Tomorrow" (2004)
"The Day After Tomorrow" takes the concept of 'global cooling' to a new level. Jack Hall, played by Dennis Quaid, embarks on a trek from Washington D.C. to New York City, in the middle of a cataclysmic ice age, to rescue his son. Forget frostbite, hypothermia, or being crushed by colossal ice sheets; the real question here is how on earth did he navigate the whiteout conditions? I mean, it's hard enough to find your way in a regular snowstorm, let alone during the apocalypse. The real villain of this movie isn't the climate; it's the disregard for logical geography.
15. "The Maze Runner" (2014)
In "The Maze Runner," a group of boys, and later one girl, are trapped in a maze filled with nightmarish creatures. Now, I can't be the only one thinking, "How are these kids still alive?" They have limited resources, are pursued by deadly monsters, and let's not even get started on the psychological trauma. Realistically, they should've been goner-boners in the first night. Maybe they found a cheat code in the maze or some previously undiscovered monster repellant? Your guess is as good as mine.