Bear Grylls baptized Russell Brand after the rape allegations — and only now is glad justice was served
The adventurer dunked Brand in the Thames seven months after the allegations went public. One day after the guilty verdict, he discovered the victims were heroes.
The facts of the verdict first. On November 5, a jury at Southwark Crown Court found Russell Brand guilty of one count of rape and three counts of sexual assault against four women, acquitting him on two further rape charges and one count of attempted indecent assault. Brand, who denied all charges, was remanded in custody; sentencing is set for November 9, and the judge indicated a custodial sentence of significant length is likely.
On November 6, Bear Grylls posted his statement:
"It is right that justice has now been served. I can't imagine how hard this time has been for the victims, the heroes of the day."
— Bear Grylls, November 6
He also explained the part everyone actually wanted explained — why he personally baptized Brand in the River Thames in April 2024. Brand's faith, Grylls said, "seemed genuine to me at the time," he has attended baptisms of people who committed serious crimes before, and judgement belongs to the courts and God.
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The timeline Grylls' statement skips
What the statement smooths over is the order of events, so here it is:
- September 2023: The Times, Sunday Times and Channel 4's Dispatches publish a joint investigation in which multiple women accuse Brand of rape and sexual assault. Brand denies everything.
- April 2024: Grylls helps baptize Brand in the Thames. Brand posts the photos; Grylls calls taking part a privilege.
- September 2024: Grylls steps down as Chief Scout after 15 years — the public face of UK scouting.
- November 5, 2026: The conviction.
- November 6, 2026: Grylls is glad justice has been served.
The baptism wasn't a leap taken in ignorance; the allegations had been front-page news for seven months. One r/Fauxmoi commenter refused the "seemed genuine" framing outright:
"Oh piss off, the channel 4 documentary came out a year before, this didn't exactly spring up out of thin air. He knew exactly what type of man he is."
The dates carry that anger on their own.
Seven months passed between the allegations and the baptism. One day passed between the verdict and the statement.
What the statement is actually for
Read as repentance, Grylls' message makes little sense — he regrets nothing and reaffirms the baptism's sincerity. Read as brand management, it works perfectly: the family-adventure host, the man parents trusted with a generation of scouts, needs the record to show he was always on the side of justice, retroactively and without apology. The sharpest line in the thread needed four words for that:
"Not Brand, but brand."
The problem with insurance taken out this late is that the photos predate the policy. Brand filmed the Thames ceremony and published it himself, which means the images of Britain's favorite survival expert beaming beside a now-convicted rapist are permanent, searchable and his own co-production. Justice was served on November 5. The statement on November 6 was about a different verdict — the one on Grylls.
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